I opened the email and immediately a pit formed in my stomach and tears welled in my eyes. This invitation was yet another confirmation that something I was waiting for would not come to pass. I had been overlooked-again. With kids in school I had been seeking God‘s best for the next step, searching where He wanted to use me for His glory, patiently, intently. Many doors had been presented, but all of them closed abruptly and with little explanation. This email was a confirmation that this door too was closed. And it hurt. In fact it took my breathe away. The truth was that now was not the time and I could give a million reasons for that but it still hurt. And in my disappointment, the accuser began to whisper in my ear. “You don’t belong there.” “You don’t have anything to offer.”
And so I paused. Thankfully I paused.
It was at this moment I had a choice. I could agree with the father of lies or I could remember what the one who gave me breathe in my lungs says about me.
“You are beloved.”
“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2:13”
We have an opportunity to pause at every frustration, every disappointment, every heartbreak and focus on the author and perfecter of our faith. The one that we will to write our story. Trusting in His every move, knowing that when one door remains locked, He holds all the keys, and the door He chooses will be good.
My heart hurts Lord, and I am disappointed, but I am trusting that this door closing means that you have a better door. A plan to prosper me and not to harm me. Be glorified in my life, in the joys and the disappointments and may I always pause to stop and seek your truth.